Second Year and things to do

A blog post! This can't be good. Well, my second year of university happened. It wasn't the greatest year mainly due to the flip side of what allows you to put the hours into something such as art, and I still struggle to take much credit for the work. However, I'm improving at a decent rate as always and my brain will one day identify a link between the hours of work and the whole improving dramatically thing and release feel good tokens accordingly.

It's been difficult but theres some good things happening when I combine charcoal, paint and ink with digital manipulation, photographic textures and digital painting techniques, and the next step is to go further with printing the work and working into it in order for it to have more of a life in the real world. I'll be looking to focus on this as soon as possible along with improving my technique with paint and ink and having a better understanding of skin tones. Also I'd like to get more of a narrative into the work, something I'm starting to get across but needs developing. Expression, posing and detail are some ways you can imply a context that allows people to connect with who you're depicting whilst still keeping things open enough for different people to get different things from an image.

Here's some of the stuff I came up with recently, still a long way to go but I'll keep the same rate of progress going.

A lot of the time I'll intend to get some more colour into the images but I do like black and white with occasionally a bit of colour here or there. Getting enough energy and texture into the work without making it unclear is a challenge, as well as getting a likeness if I intend to depict somebody in particular. I'll tend to look at a bunch of different reference images and compose my own thing but being accurate when needed is something else I really need to get better at.

The Gym is still a thing, and I'm still enjoying the odd satisfaction you get from doing something a few times a week and shovelling food in order to convert said effort into Human Being Material. I've seen flying dumbbells, scenes where mirrors were obliterated by said dumbbells and people throwing multi punch combinations in the weights area (between sets or was that the exercise?) but since starting university it's been a really positive thing and a good break to go and do something which can be as repetitive or varied as you want. I'll tend to mess around with what I'm doing quite a bit so you don't find yourself stuck on a particular weight or whatever for too long.

I have some really great things to read for my second piece on social media so I'll be looking to get started on that ahead of time. I find essay writing quite fun when I know what I'm talking about, whereas if I don't it quickly becomes tedious as I work out what the hell I'm supposed to be saying and who is responsible for this pile of poorly written notes and frantically underlined non-epiphanies.


(Me).

A bit about the year

Around the end of the year I'd normally post a thing talking about what was going on with skating, but theres nothing that needs a particularly crazy writeup. I spent a lot of time since I started skating downhill trying to get down the hill as fast as I could, which meant I missed a lot of stuff on the way.  So I have a lot of fun nowadays when I do get out messing around with the stuff I never really tried before. I'm happy to play around and not worry too much about where I'm at. 

Even though it seems like a parallel universe, I get a lot from skating that carries into the rest of life, and there's a lot to learn from it. I'd like to keep it going as long as I can. Theres been a lot of good sessions and I hope even more next year, so cheers to everyone who made that happen.

I feel a lot more comfortable skating down one of the gnarliest hills in the country than I do in a lot of far more mundane areas of life. Quite often I'd like to do a bit of a trade as far as that goes, but it's more useful to understand how your mind works and try to work with yourself, which is difficult but really the only thing to do.

So I hope I can learn from my skating that theres a lot that I'm capable of, beyond what I know.

Looking forward to more of that. 

Will

Will Mackenzie photos

All teh progess

Recently I've been on a bit of a mission to work on some of the things on a skateboard I kind of derped over in my efforts to do ever faster colemans into the corner at peep. Fully including any sort of breaking of traction minus the application of hand to road. Imagine if the "longest standy" phenomenon had actually been a "longest coleman going slightly left" one. I'd probably be bringing out my own pro model internet router or spell check device. Anyway:

The standzorz are go. Heelside 180's regular and switch are getting more comfortable, and now without needing to use a kicktail to just shove it round. That was the first thing I wanted to do. I wanted something to feel super locked into without having to use the kicks, and a Chopper 3D fits nicely. I've been skating it for a little while and jumping onto my Sequel for a run was really strange because the concave is so much less gnarly.

Yellow Chronicles were the other bit of the "If I'm going to learn this stuff it's going to be on that" board, and they were less crazy than I was expecting them to be, a lot like slidier classics. The release is really one of the things that's been useful, because I wanted something that would still "go" even if I lamed out a little (a lot) and didn't really commit to the slide enough. I've still had some ground cuddles though. 

On this board I've been generally sliding a lot, not worrying too much about going fast but just trying to relax and play around. I've never felt more comfortable technique wise, which is really nice. One of the things I've been doing is trying to be a little higher when putting a hand down for a heelside slide, because you really can't control the slide much from low down. Similar story with going toeside, with anything that way most people are a bit stressed about hooking up and going over, so a lot of us put more weight on our hands or have it really far away. It kills the control similar to a heelside slide, but it's also pretty hard to hold yourself up if your arm is too far away or all bent up or whatever. So I've been doing a lot of them to build confidence and therefore have better technique, and then also making my arms stronger in the gym has helped if I do lame the technique a bit or get tired over a session.

Heres some shots of a thing we did, I had an epic clown mask and thought it might make for some cool images despite my skating efforts, so I asked the Right Honourable Will Mackenzie if he could take some photos. It was really weird to skate in, the eye holes were so small I couldn't see much, it was like some fairly awkward tunnel vision action. Anyway, heres some of what Will got, I edited the first two and Will edited the last one. 

I've been watching Will Edgecombe's "Scrumping" a lot recently. I really look up to the sliding in this video, even if it came out a while ago now it motivates me more than ever before, given the direction I'm trying to go in. Check it out.

Will

Art, Skate and The Actual Gym

ART

Specifically still trying to create things faster and better without having to think so much throughout. The latest thing I made was something that makes me feel I'm going in the right direction with regards to the kind of work I want to be making. It's a portrait made from a range of elements from other projects.  There is a lot wrong- as always, but the process was better-chucking lots of things into a photoshop file and putting them together in a more experimental and committed way. The style is getting better, still quite weak and constrained but with some areas that look more effective and free. Things to work on- generating textures and assets for a project rather than grabbing them from old random things, and finally doing more paint and mixed media portraits.

SKATE

The stand up thing! It's on. Slowly. Really slowly and awkwardly on. Getting over being fucking terrible at it, one abysmal 180 at a time. Pretty much the only thing I can do in terms of downhill is put together an ok run of peep. An ok run of peep is just put in a big slide and don't fall off, so I've only really been working on big not very technique heavy slides into a corner and not falling off. And it is time to expand! Grabbed a Chopper 3D from lush to feel as locked in as possible- will hopefully inspire confidence! Need to get a basic grounding in sliding each way standup and then from there it's just improve those things. What I've done before is have a little go every now and then, get discouraged, and don't build a platform to work on. Do I sound like an idiot if I say I see people doing 360's and things and really want to do that? We'll see what happens! Enjoying a lot so far.

THE ACTUAL GYM

I don't know if I've written anything about this. Anyway, joining a gym was a really big deal for me, I was fully nervous. Some thoughts were- am I going to be kind of wandering around and feeling really awkward? Am I going to feel too self conscious to do what you have to do to become less weak as fuck? Am I going to be able to keep this up or will I quit and feel terrible?

So on the first point, wandering around and being a bit awkward. That's something a lot of us do. For me I was nervous of figuring out where everything was, I didn't want to be looking lost and out of place. I booked up an induction/tour and it's surprising how quickly you pick up where things are. This was the first step in my head, figure out where things are and feel more comfortable going about what you're doing due to that. I'm really into irrationally stressing out over new things and places, but being more accepting of that frees you up to figure out ways of dealing with it, rather than being down over dumb shit being bigger to you than other people.

The second point, about feeling self conscious and being super weak. The main things that you learn that mitigate this are, firstly, for the most part people are paying attention to their own stuff. Secondly, once you do something that you thought would be really embarrassing- I've sat on a seated row machine, reached forward, grabbed the thing you're supposed to hold, gone to pull it back and realised that the handle in fact is on the floor and needs to be attached to the machine, what I have got hold of is a part of the machine itself-you notice that nothing that bad happens. A massive arrow doesn't appear over your head saying "Professional Wasteman on tour, tickets available now". Thirdly, doing anything for a while usually makes it feel more natural and less like you're going to have to go into a corner and dig a tunnel through the floor and out of there.

The third point, I had a clear idea that I wanted to figure out where the things I needed were, what I was going to do with them, then put that into a kind of routine, and gradually get into doing that each week. New things are a lot less scary when you transition into them at a rate you feel comfortable, and it's not a negative thing if you have to do things really slowly. The main point is that you get to do what you want.

Progress in all areas, feeling good about that.

High fives.

Will

Some writing

1.

A man and a woman occupy a sparse, grey cell. They are asleep on two beds, placed at either end of the room. A lion rests in the corner.

Life disturbs the mans face. A few seconds pass. His eyes lift open.

Guy:

“whha” 

The sound has a tone of questioning. He rises to a sit, and stares with slack expression at the wall. A few minutes pass. The mans face tightens, and his head leans to the side.

Guy:

“Am I dead?”

The wall gives nothing away.

Guy:

”Yeah?”

The wall remains silent.

(Pause)

Guy: 

“Well fuck you then!”

The wall is unmoved. The conversation disturbs the girl across the room. A sharp intake of breath follows, as she rushes to a seated position on the side of the bed. Her eyes are wide and a smile is present, before it realises it has no reason to be there and leaves in a hurry. Her eyes fix on the other human.

Girl:

“Where am I?”

Guy:

(Turning with surprise) “Oh.” (Pause) “Hello.”

Girl:

(Looking around) “Where am I?”

Guy:

(shrugs) “I dunno.”

Girl:

(sharply) “For fucks sake.”

The girl goes for the door. It’s locked. She thumps it a few times. Theres nothing there.

The man turns to the wall. 

Guy:

“Maybe we’re dead.”

The girl looks at him. Her mouth is slightly open and her eyes narrow a little. She says nothing.

Guy: 

“Maybe it’s like that thing between-“ (turns) “what?”

Girl:

“What happened?”

Guy:

“I don’t know.”

Pause.

Girl:

(impatiently) “I want to go.”

Guy:

“Yeah...”

Girl:

“Yes.”

The man shrugs again. The girl thumps the door. Silence. 

The girl returns to her bed.

Guy:

“Probably be here in a sec.”

Girl:

“I fucking hope so. What were we doing?”

There is a long pause. Thinking happens. Something is found.

Guy:

“Party.”

Girl:

“Party.”

Silence.

Girl:

“Yeah.” (pause) “It was shit.”

Guy:

“Can’t have been that shit.”

Pause.

Girl:

“I left.”

Pause.

Guy:

“I left too.”

Silence.

Guy:

“What were you drinking?”

Girl:

“Everything.”

Guy:

“Why?”

Girl:

“I was tired.”

Long pause.

Guy:

“Why were you tired?”

Girl:

“My arms hurt.”

Guy:

”Why did your arms hurt?”

Girl:

“Some guy wouldn’t stop asking me stupid questions so I smashed his head against a wall until he shut up.”

Silence.

Guy:

“I was only asking.”

Girl:

“Eh?”

More silence. The girl looks over at the door. The man looks at the floor. The wall stands awkwardly.

Girl:

“Did we do something wrong?”

The man looks up. He shrugs.

Girl:

“I bet it was your fault.”

Guy:

(hurt) “Why?”

Girl:

”You look shifty.”

Guy:

(still hurt) “Cheers.” (pause) “Maybe I’d prefer it if we didn’t talk.”

Girl:

“Ok.”

A few minutes pass. Theres no sign of life beyond the door.

Guy:

“Maybe they forgot about us.”

Girl:

(considering) “Maybe. I watched a documentary about it.”

Guy:

“About what?”

Girl:

“This.”

Guy:

“What happened?”

Girl:

“Somebody got left in a police cell. They were in there for three weeks.”

Guy:

“Jesus. What happened to them?”

Girl:

“They died.”

(Pause)

Guy:

“Right.”

(Another Pause)

Girl:

“It was in America though.”

Guy:

“Oh.”

There is a long period of silence. The girl thinks about trying to lighten the mood. The man wonders if he’s still sleeping.

The wall wishes it was somewhere else.

Super generic skate stuff

When was the last time anyone reviewed some piece of downhill gear and was like "You know what, fuck this, don't buy it"? I suppose aside from the quarterly kickstarters that seem to throughly celebrate the act of being a wasteman it's difficult to find something truly diabolical.

If somebody bought a Risch and then skated like a watermelon would it affect sales?

Is it always going to be the case that the range of decks for going fast will have a fair degree of shape variation?

Will we ever get to the point where we're like "you know we could keep making griptape grippier but do we really need to?"

You can't spot mindless boards from a distance now.

I'm new to trying to manage how I think about things. In skateboarding it is to a large extent a balancing act involving more or less entirely conflicting thought processes and an exercise in understanding and directing them.

I find it pretty much comes down to being content or wanting to do more.

So for me a useful balance draws on both, veering more toward one or the other based on what is more useful at the time. Being completely content means temporary happiness but later on feeling like there was something missed in terms of adding to what can be done. Wanting to do more without feeling any positivity for what you can already do is an endless disappointment.

It's a case of managing expectation and mindset to achieve the best balance on a spectrum of thought that contains a lack of overall enjoyment at both ends. To manage the way you approach something isn't always possible but learning to do so can be tremendously beneficial. It is also worth considering the way you think about something when you aren't actually doing it.

Sometimes I can't watch any videos of people skating. At those times the thought process is to do with not being able to do something how you would like, and it's too much to even look at the thing. And then it's thinking along the lines of "do I really need this?" Like making art, when I consider it properly, I don't think theres going to be a point where I stop skating.

I don't think I'm ever going to be interested in races without closed roads. I'm not sure if I'm going to be interested in racing at any point, anywhere. I don't see much to find out, I think it would only be entertaining on certain tracks.

I'm pretty excited for the year- without setting out too much, theres a lot of stuff to mess around with. Some different focuses and trying to look at all areas of skating.

Disposability, art and downhill

With stuff you've never taken far before theres a freedom within your lack of expectation. You don't fuck anything up and think you should have done better. 

I used to be completely fucking shit at art, and when I decided I really wanted to do something about that, for a while I really enjoyed the stuff I was doing because I remembered how shit it was to be endlessly useless and to get results that I was ok with was beyond anything I could have expected. 

Then something weird happened. Making artwork became less and less fun because I had an expectation that wasn't there before. I was spending a lot of time trying to make things "good" and then when I was done I'd look at them and not really feel much because I thought that I should be able to do better.

I've rediscovered enjoying art through a project I've been working on, that has involved making a lot of art, quickly, with commitment to each mark. It was really weird at first but embracing just going in with a material and seeing what happens has made the art thing really most awesome to do again. 

Here's some stuff I was actually happy with, because I was creating them quickly and going straight in with charcoal or pen. Theres loads and loads of full on travesties in the book I'm working in, but doing things in this way means I'm not disappointed when that happens.

So I'm enjoying art in a way I haven't for ages, and I'd like to enjoy downhill in a new way again too. 

It's a similar thing, when I mess around on a double kick or play around with trying stand up stuff, I have no expectation of what I should be able to do, so all of it feels fun. Downhill gets away from me because I put pressure on myself, and I'd like to be done with that because I enjoy it so much but sometimes I've felt like I'm on the way to not doing it any more.

 I usually end up watching one of these and realising that I couldn't really not do this thing in some capacity, even a bit of a lame one.

Art and Skateboarding and my mind

Here we are again, I am writing rather than sleeping.

I don't usually write everything here, I try to anticipate what I might regret writing. Anyway, if I was feeling fine I wouldn't be writing here I would be dreaming of things.

It's usually the same things that screw my brain over. I like making art and skateboarding because it bring me out of my mind where I get lost quite a bit. My mind has some features that can be useful, like if I'm feeling good and inspired I can be really productive making things. When I'm not feeling good it translates I think quite obviously into my ability to do things.

I've been having a hard time getting out of bed for a while, this is a bit due to not sleeping much and a bit down to not really waking up very well. I'm used to not feeling very good in the evening, which is now pretty much every one, but now pretty much every morning I have to tell myself that I should get out of bed because of something. And I don't know what to tell myself because I know that I could stay in bed all day and it wouldn't make a blip on a radar anywhere. I'm sorry if that doesn't sound nice but it's how it is. I'm having a hard time getting myself and my mind going in the direction I need to be a better person because even when I do something good I feel bad for being happy at something so small.

So at some point I'm out of bed and I learn, I'm trying to educate myself in the things I want for uni in the summer. I do good hours because that's a bit of my mind that is useful, I like to absorb things and learn. I should feel happy but I don't really because some things are missing.

Heres some stuff I've been making.

The upside to having no life and spending a lot of time and effort on art things is that my work has got a lot better than it was before. I couldn't have done any of this, even these just kind of little things, until quite recently.

I had a good skate today, a good few hours just working on things in the sun. It hasn't been dry for ages but I'm back skating now since it has been a few times this week. Skateboarding makes me so happy because it's something I know how to interact with, I feel good about what I'm doing when I'm doing it.

 I can do some stuff on double kicks that I really enjoy, mostly boneless things because boneless ones rock all day every day. I always thought in my mind I just wanted to learn some way of leaving the ground and along the way I learnt how to just try things on a skateboard and really enjoy it so much more than ever before. Skateboarding has always been there since I found it, and I love that I've never been more creative in how I'm interacting with it.

 In terms of downhill, I got into a nice zone last year. Theres one or two things I know that I want to look at in terms of my setups, like looking at finally grabbing some 38 plates for the fast stuff on my sequel. I'm really interested in making this a good year for sliding, I'd like to learn a whole load of new stuff and can't wait to see what I can do. Theres so much I want to learn and I have the time and perseverance to do it. I still love skateboarding even after having such a long time recently not being able to do it because of the general badness of the weather.

anyway, I don't know who reads these but if I sounded all a bit sad earlier it's because I was, and if I sound better now it's because I am. And that is why I make art, skate and write stuff on the internet.

I'm really tired now so I'm going to sleep. I think that people function better when they are happy and that's what I'm going for in every bit of my life, so watch this space for that or a right big mess of art and skating and talking shit

will

post leaving

At my college, the first one, I was fairly happy because I was able to manage the feeling thats probably been around to my mind since secondary school but maybe earlier. I'm saying that because even though at my second college, even though I wasn't happy there and it was the right decision to leave to reapply this year, I wasn't really bad because I had some kind of "thing" that was there and what I did.

Since leaving it has been difficult in a lot of ways. I can't talk about everything here. Really, a lot of it is that I need to feel like I'm doing ok, and being at a place and doing something, even if it's right to leave, that is something. But since leaving I don't feel that good. My days now, I'm putting good hours into learning. I'm progressing my work in a lot of areas as quickly as I ever have done so I should feel good about that. I'm learning better than if I had stayed at my college, which I should feel really good about. I have a capacity to study and absorb material and this is one of the features of my mind that is useful.

So I am doing better in terms of learning than at the course I was on. So I should feel great, I shouldn't be worried. The thing is though, my evenings are not very good and I'm not sleeping very well because I don't feel great. I've been in a good zone before where I could sleep quite early and wake up quite early. Now though, it's not so much like I get to the end of the day and think, "ok that's done", theres a lack of signing off ability because I'm trying to feel good about myself and not finding it. My mind seems to want to address and fix everything but I really just need to be asleep. You can't fix much on your own in a room at one or two in the morning. It's like waiting for something even though I know there's no point. So at some point I do sleep, and the morning rolls around but it's difficult to get the feeling together to get up. Partly because if your hours are different, they're different, but also there's a lack of good feeling.

Having a good kind of feeling is how you bounce through all of the bits of life that are just a bit obstructive without getting to down about any of it.

Anyway so I normally don't start doing productive things until about 12. I'll usually go until about 5, since that's when people get back and usually the space I'm working in doesn't become so appealing just because I like to have a bit of space. Sometimes, if I'm creating something and I'm really into it I'll go until whenever it's done, if I want to get it done. I'm trying not to do what I did before and start working in the late afternoon and go until midnight because I feel too wired to sleep.

I look at online resources, read and watch traditional and digital artists, photographers e.t.c talk about the work they are doing and the knowledge they have. I spend a lot of time creating in a range of media including traditional and digital paint, photography, pencil drawing and pen drawing. My artwork now is so much better than even a month ago, and compared to a year or two it's in another universe completely. It's not "good", but I can see the progress I am making.

So if I just look at the numbers and the progression of my work, I am doing better than if I stayed at Northbrook. There, I was in two and a half days a week, now I am putting in many more hours in more areas and seeing the results. So I know that I don't need a "place" to work hard and progress what I love doing, which is a cool thing. But I do miss, mostly from my first college since I was there a while longer, just kind of being in an environment with people doing the same kind of things I'm doing. I really like people because I think they are good for me, I think people kind of bring me out of my mind where I'm probably (definitely) really overthinking something and not all that much existing in the real world.

I really like writing like this, I know it's not really the done thing (ha) to be all that honest with how you are feeling, writing online, but it's good for me because I always feel better after expressing a few things. I also think by putting something "out there" I can help create an environment where people feel more like talking about things instead of just putting up with feeling shit.

I had a cold this week, and people understand that because you're coughing or whatever. If you're not feeling great, it affects how you go about your day too. However, writing this, I feel a good difference compared to before writing this. I'm going to get more stuff done today, I do feel a bit tired but I'll probably find some lunch and then start doing things.

The weather outside is really shit and it makes it colder indoors too, but our house isn't full of water.


will

Travels and things

Hello. This is a lifey post.

So I have been to a couple of uni interviews and they went really well. First up was Portsmouth, a place I managed to drop in on last year to have a look around at an open day. Portsmouth is an hour hop on the train, direct, so minimal dorking around in that department. Although alas this saw me have to rock up a full hour early. A full hour!

I got off the train, rucksack on back and folder in hand, and went directly into time killing mode. This is an art refined over many free periods at college and even includes adapting ones walk to the time constraints. However, having to kill an hour when you are a mere five minutes from where you need to be means if you followed this procedure directly you would end up walking so slowly as to draw attention and possibly offers of assistance from onlookers.

So I wandered around a bit. They have a square thing outside a giant hall right by the station. Walking out from under a building into that-with people milling every which way and a giant t.v announcing the news headlines-felt like a scene from something sci-fi. Anyway I find a bench and rock the full on packed lunch because I'm cool like that. It's by a tree, so I sit facing the tree and the rest of the square but keep wondering if the idea is to sit under the tree looking away from it but decide I don't really care and keep eating. All of my food is shit because I made it myself the night before.

Time is too slow so I wander some more, go back on myself, end up at the same bench, find the building I'm supposed to be at later, walk another way, sit on a wall, look up a lot.

Anyway when I couldn't bear any more aimless wandering I arrived at the Eldon Building. It's been redone quite a bit since my last visit so the entrance was somewhere else and all that. It looked good. I wander in like an idiot. (I walk like someone who doesn't really know what their legs are doing but knows it's at least something vaguely like what I intended)
"Hi, I'm here for an interview for illustration" probably becomes "hi'mherrfernillstrtnnplzzz?" but I'm directed to the cafe and sit around. I'm feeling quite relaxed which surprises me. We get called- up a flight of stairs to a room.

Everyone has A1 folders.

I do not.

I detect human awkwardness in the pretty much silence but smile and make some noises in response to things. I don't really mind it just being silence in that sort of situation but some people do.

Anyway the tutor comes in, talks, is very nice and we start filling out question sheets. I write things as best I can think to put them. There's a bit at the bottom where we're supposed to draw what going to an interview feels like. I draw something that comes to mind and it's all kind of nice and I'm pleased with it. We go on a tour and do some interview stuff.

A few days later I got an offer from there. So I have an unconditional offer to study on an illustration degree at Portsmouth if I go for that. High five?

Next up was a further trip to Bournemouth. This involved a bus journey to town, train to southampton, train to bournemouth, bus in bournemouth. Now it sounds kind of funny but not so long ago that would have scared the HELL out of me to the point where I probably wouldn't have done it. And now it isn't something I really think about, which is a nice feeling.

Anyway firstly the yellow buses in bournemouth have faux leather seats which is awesome, and secondly I was very early again due to the long journey. I done some wandering before lurking heavily at a bus stop-packed lunch again, the envy of all around.

Eventually I head to my interview. It's with a few other people and they all seem to know the right things to say. It's really nice though because I get a lot of time to talk about stuff, as people that know me probably have realised I've got a lot of stuff in my head but it can come out like "aderpaderpderpderp" unless I've got time and I can make it all into proper bits of human speak. The interview went as well as it possibly could of done so I await the outcome of that.

Next up I'm going to Winchester School of Art-there's going to be a buffet.

Anyway, the idea of me doing what I'm doing now just wouldn't have been there a while ago. Even halfway through my Btec at Collyers it wasn't on the cards. But I've been working really hard on drawing, painting, digital work, photo stuff and more. I'm absorbing everything I can and the hours are being worked. The improvement from before makes me so happy.

Anyway, happy thursday morning. This went on for a while.

As ever you can find stuff from me on my page which I still don't know what to call:

https://www.facebook.com/ArtistPhotographerWillClare

All carrier pigeons with sweets and other forms of interaction welcomed.

Will

interviews and stuff

So I now have two interviews coming up at Bournemouth and Winchester and then it also looks like one at Portsmouth too. My interview schedule is looking like a south coast tour at the moment.

I'm spending most of my time now putting together my portfolio. It's tricky to judge what should go in because if I know I can do better with a piece of work now, I struggle a bit to want to include it. I know though if I redo everything firstly it wouldn't have been created during the project it was part of (if indeed it was part of a project), and secondly I have to have the thing actually ready on time so I couldn't really.

One of the good things is that I think I can talk quite in depth about the work, because I put a lot of time into it. Yeah partly the time spent doing art is to not think, the contentment when I'm creating something wears off kind of quick when the thinking comes back. I mean theres a list really. I want to make myself into a better person that I actually like and through that get the happiness and self belief that I can do stuff, and things are going to be cool. I know whatever it sounds all messed up but when I feel down it's just because I feel like a bit of a rubbish person. And then you get a bit "this isn't how it should be, I want to be one of those other people."

Anyway, what I think is that this preparing a portfolio and going to interviews will be good for me. Like I really think it's a good step in the right direction of being the kind of person I want to be. Portsmouth, Bournemouth, Winchester, and we'll see where and what is next. 

I think, in terms of the stuff I can do, which is try hard and try to get better, there's not really anything more than that you can do.

So we'll see how they go! The third offer stressing out was less than the second and hugely less than the first (yeah there was a date messup involved ;)) so thats cool. Right now I'm going to try and get to sleep at a reasonable time and get out of bed quicker. I need like a wallace and gromit tipping bed thing.

I hope you are all doing excellently in the land of the internet, wherever you are. Have a good thursday!

5th january

Hi.

So recently I've been spending a lot of time making artwork. I think it will be great if I can make this into a "career", I mean I find the word a little weird, I find it kind of implies gunning for just moving up ladders.

Thats not really where I care about going, right now at least I just like to progress the work I can do, and if I can support myself through making art that will be very cool. If you know me you'll know that for sure I'm not one of those naturally really fluent fine artists. I'm getting better, the work I can do now, even if you just take like a pencil sketch, is in another world to where I was even six months ago. That's a thing that I've improved.

Currently, I'm finding a lot of the time when I'm not directly making art a little bit difficult. This is down to a few things which I'm going to talk about and a few things which I'm not. This kind of writing, talking, helps me out. It's not so much to be read, although I put this out there because I feel that as people, we really suck at admitting when we're finding things tricky because we're worried about what people will think. Well, I don't really mind.

Right now, the weather has been quite bad for a while, and this has more or less removed the going skateboarding bit of my life. Skating when it's wet I don't find that good, so I haven't been doing it. The weather will get better.

I've found for a while that creating artwork suits my kind of nature which is determined to try but kind of not very good at the real life parts of life. I really like it because I can be lost for hours in creating something, and for me it's like putting my mind on holiday. Even though a lot of the time I'm thinking really hard about how to make a piece of artwork improve, I'm not sitting there thinking about all of the ways I'm rubbish as a person.

I get anxious over things like a lot of people do. I'm applying to university this year, so I've applied to five different ones. I've got two interviews coming up so far. When the first one came up, I read the date wrong, and thought it was in a week rather than a month and a bit. I was very nervous very quickly. For a good four days or so I hadn't realised my mistake so I was stressing out in the kind of most not useful way.

What that showed me though was how quickly things can tetris in your mind. And when I realised the mistake and realised that I do have time to prepare a portfolio and sort myself out, there was a very sudden bit of clarity which showed me how I had been caught a bit.

So the second interview offer comes in yesterday, and the stress is there for a little bit but I'm also kind of excited. I think I'm starting to be able to put things in compartments in my mind. As in sometimes I can't help stressing about something, such as an interview, but if I can relax myself I can see that thinking over and over about an interview, how I'm going to get there and what I'm going to say is not the productive thing because I need to put that away for a moment and sort my portfolio out first.

This is the essence of it that I have struggled before because I think that if I let myself forget about something then I'll mess up. A lot of the time I don't have an easy time relaxing, I want to know what is going to happen and if I'm uncertain I feel quite scared. If you spend a lot of time without people the only person to interact with is yourself, and if your own mind isn't really helping you out it can be a little tricky.

Anyway I'm going to post this about now. It's a little late and I want to get up kind of early and have a good day. I'm choosing bits of work to put into my portfolio, it's kind of funny because so much of the stuff from my last one, well I have no idea how it got me onto a course. But I'll probably think that later on about this one. And that means I'm getting somewhere. I just done a full on, pleased with myself smile which hasn't happened for a bit.

Lastly, thanks to the people that understand and cheers to anyone being nice. Really small actions can make so much difference to how you feel.

Keeping trying and going forward. You all rock.

Will :)

Cheapness in digital art and life

This is a post that has been a long time considered, however it would be a mistake to assume that the longevity of it's consideration will lend it well crafted form or structure. Instead it is likely that in an effort to convey everything I wish to I shall end up writing constantly until a large block of text sounds "about right", at which point I will check for typos and let it fly wherever it pleases.

Hello.

I hope you have had an excellent saturday or if you are reading this on a day other than saturday, an excellent one of those.

This is a post about the importance of genuine effort, specifically relating to and using evidence from the field of digital art (mainly covering photo manipulation work), that I hope can also be applied to life itself.

(I just wrote a sentence that was utter shit and deleted it. Wahey!)

Digital art and what is wrong with it.

I love digital art. Now saying that is a bit funny because what qualifies a piece of work as "digital"? Does it require the presence of elements brought into existence solely in the digital realm? Does a scanned pencil sketch count? What about a painting that has been "adjusted" in photoshop and then booted out the door?

Really "digital art", like so many definitions in our world, will be understood differently by everybody considering it.

So to help I can say that digital art, to me, is a vision incorporating of a wide range of artistic media that is realised using a computer.

As an aside (skip this if you want a coherent-ish experience and don't if you are interested in me talking shit)

You will notice my definition contains definitions and you will note that it couldn't not. How do you define a "wide range of artistic media"? What is a "computer" to you?

We are expressing ourselves using sentences formed from words formed from letters formed from thoughts. A word is a collection of letters and this is the smallest unit of expression in that form of communication. Therefore the moment in which a thought is brought into the world in the spoken or written form is one in which it has already been blurred. In another form, such as an oil painting, feelings or ideas have been brought into the world as colours blended together. Colours that like words can be interpreted differently even if they are seen the same. And there is no guarantee of even that.

When we communicate it is like throwing photographs into the air hoping for them to be seen and thought about before they hit the ground. Some people can't take photos and some people can't throw, some people can't see very well or at all and some people like looking at photos they just don't like them being thrown at their faces.

Aside over (thank eff hey?)

Right.

So I have become disillusioned with digital art and those creating work within the field. However I have realised that I do not need to be disillusioned, because all can be well in the end.

The disillusionment came from seeing so many great pieces of work, fantastic images, brought into life in a way I was not expecting. A way of working which has become so widespread and accepted that it almost defines the entire field.

That is, the over reliance on stock imagery and downloaded photoshop brushes.

Stock imagery is that found online, typically that contained on databases which can be used free or for a fee within certain parameters.  Downloaded photoshop brushes are those customised by a third party usually beyond the scope of a simple shape from which to craft images.

Let me be clear that I do not think everybody using these techniques is being cheap. That would be hugely short sighted of me. You might download an average kind of image, or fairly simple brush, and work wonders with it.

However;

If a piece of work you have created is successful largely because one of it's key elements is a high resolution, superbly lit, brilliantly composed photograph by a photographer you have never met of a truly beautiful model you have never met, who has spent a long time having their clothing and makeup dialled just so then;

You are being cheap.

If you have added wings to a photograph of somebody, lets say a photo you have taken, and the wings are downloaded brushes so the majority of your interaction with them has been to click and perhaps edit a little, then guess what?

You are being cheap.

Now I'm saying "cheap" rather than "cheating" because I think saying cheap allows varying degrees of "cheapness" to be established.

You may say "well could you build the computer you work with from scratch"?

I couldn't.

But I think it is important when you are working to have integrity.

The above examples are done with such regularity and the final work uploaded as a creation rather than a remix.

If you want to progress you must ensure that you work to produce an image because the person who spends the time learning to create a wing, or learning how to take that perfect shot of somebody will have learned much more than the person who simply downloads and edits either.

At the end of the day you can do whatever the hell you want to do, but if you have fun creating images using all stuff you've grabbed online, tell people when you put the work out there. The magic will be explained to people and they will maybe be less awe struck and more understanding of how the thing was created, and they can have a more informed opinion of it and see how they could create something themselves, rather than just stare in wonder at "magic" that isn't really all that magical.

I hope this applies to life. Shortcuts may get you places but learning and trying will always get you further, even if you reach your destination later.

Have a nice whatever day it is for you now!

Will

uni and thinking

This is one of those posts that's written just to try and process some thoughts. If you object, fuck off.

So I left my course. My course was graphic design but the combination of course and place meant I didn't find it challenging or very inspiring and to continue to pay a lot of money for it wasn't the right thing. 

Hence I did do the right thing and left, leaving me here spending a lot of time creating work and spending even more time in an empty room. 

This is what I am struggling to process and I don't know how long it is going to take. I've always tried to work hard in the things that I do and I always try to be nice to everybody. You think that if you just try with things and try to make yourself into a good person, that you'll get somewhere. 

I find it difficult sometimes to get up when just sleeping all day would be the same for the world. Theres such a nothingness now outside of creating art or skateboarding. In moments of productivity or entertainment, you don't feel like there is nothing else because you're not looking at the empty space. It's when you might be too tired, you even might have just finished a piece of work and look up.

Still, I'm creating a lot of stuff. I'd be completely fucked if I didn't.

I just a lot of the time think-come on. It's rubbish but it's human just to be like-really, something good has to happen. I'm doing everything I can and maybe I just have to wait.

If you were flipping a coin and every time calling it wrong you'd start to think you'd never get it right.  That is barely possible but you're still going to think it, as a person.

What I'm doing now is trying again with the things I need to get right. I've applied to five universities. With that and some other things I think what I'm going to do is just what I've always been doing, be nice and just try.

I find the things that a lot of people find easy really difficult. I think that we always find ourselves wishing for the things that we don't have even though we know wishing won't get us them. 

I've applied to Bournemouth, Portsmouth, Winchester School of Art, Brighton and the University for the Arts London. My application had to be sorted after most of the open days had passed, although I managed to look into each of my choices. I've been to visit Portsmouth so far and I really liked the place and the course sounded good. I could see myself living quite happy down there.

Next up for me is checking out all of the other ones, getting a portfolio together, keep creating, keep learning, keep skating and keep trying even when sometimes I feel like it won't make a difference, because maybe it might some time.

I have just checked the clock thing here and it's christmas in two days. 

I think I'm going to be able to sleep alright now.

Here is my art page: https://www.facebook.com/ArtistPhotographerWillClare

If you're reading this and want to go and like it, it would be really awesome for me. You can also tweet at me if you're feeling like it any time, my thing is @downhillwill. It might make a small or big part of my day.

Have a good christmas.

Will.

3 years of skating down hills

Hello.

It is not long until Christmas! It is around this time that I write a bit about my year of skateboarding down hills, which I have now been doing for three years! Bloody hell!

I haven't really planned what I'm going to write, so this might read like the confused talkings of a massive, lifewasting fool. I haven't got any music on so I will sort that and be back in a moment. Of course for you, the reader, I am back NOW and you can continue reading. But for me I will be back in a moment.

I am back (irrelevant).

So, this year, what has happened in the world of downhill skateboarding?

• Saying "RAD TRAIN WOOT WOOT" at the end of every sentence became a thing.
• Caliber made some lazy/shit adverts. Meanwhile some truck companies sold trucks by making good trucks. 
• Adam Persson won the IDF tour after the massive prolonged debate about the IDF, the IGSA, transparency and cake. Many silly acronyms were made up and much offence was caused. 
• Vandem made all of their stickers transparent. This proved useful for fixing holes in windows caused by flying keyboards after helmet debates.
• Everyone forgot how they had ever skated down hills without a footstop and many different shaped ones came into existence.
• Lots of products emerged that many of us assumed were injokes but actually turned out to be quite popular with VERY UNIQUE PEOPLE (mostly from london)
• On the topic of london, the london longboards facebook page had a vintage year of providing us all with great entertainment.

It's been a good year for the scene I think ;)

Yeah I don't actually skate I just make dubious quality artwork and talk to people on the internet.

Skating down hills is fun. Skating down hills with a good bunch of people is very fun. When you are on the hill with a decent crew who you have been skating with for a while, you can be so much more relaxed than in other situations. If there is a corner, it will be spotted, and everyone will take an even share of it. Nobody is going to risk anything silly. Everyone is aware of where people are and what they are doing. Little needs saying, there is an understanding that to skate down hills, you've got to do it right.

Open road stuff is so much more enjoyable if you can relax and enjoy it. There has been a smallish group of us having some epic skates. You rock.

Setup.

The factor that has made a lot of difference to my experience of skating down hills this year has been getting a setup more dialled in to how I like it. Everybody likes a different kind of feeling in a setup depending on what they are doing. It's one of the main reasons I enjoy skateboarding. There's no one approach and there is all the room in the world to do what you want.

The setup I am enjoying for going fast at the moment is a Lush Sequel deck, with sabre 45's (green and purple barrels) and cult hurtlers or classics. I think adding some lower angle plates will be the next thing to progress it. 

I like that kind of a setup, for one because it suits my dimensions. I'm not overly tall but I usually feel really cramped going fast on a tiny topmount. Secondly the kind of feeling I get from a sequel with classics or hurtlers is very consistent, progressive and responsive, and these are the things you should look at when getting your setup dialled in.

That sounds like I'm talking shit doesn't it! I'm not! Here's an explanation.

Consistency can take a few forms.

Consistency of slide is important. Why is skating in patchy conditions worse than in the wet or in the dry? Consistency and expectation. The best skaters in the world are not psychic. If you go into a corner in fully wet or dry conditions, on any board, and you have got used to the hill, you have in your mind a fair idea for just what you can do, and push the boundaries of what is possible for you from there. 

On a setup you feel at home on, in wet or dry conditions, you're usually going to have a much better idea for what kind of cornering experience awaits you.

Also, if your board gives you a consistent feeling when you are in a tuck, you know it is less likely to twitch out and allow you to sample some poor u.k road surfacing through your face.

"So progressive bro! Check that responsiveness man woaahhh"

When I talk about a progressive and responsive feeling I'm mostly talking about grip. A really nice setup that is suited to your style of skating will allow you to feel more degrees of grip and to understand where you are. By where you are I mean knowing things like "if I put more weight on my hand and turn harder, will I better make the apex or will I lose traction, panic, cry, write letters of apology to myself in midair and generally die like eff?". 

A good setup, a setup you feel confident on, will provide feedback during a turn which will allow you to respond without thinking that much. 

DISCLAIMER:

Anyone that has seen me skate knows there is no WAY what I am doing is all that er...precise. So what I say here sounds all scientific as If I'm analysing stuff in forensic detail when I'm skating. I'm not, if I was I would generally not skate like a shaken up box of budget after-eight clones. 

What I'm saying is- skate a setup you feel happy on and you will be able to push the boundaries of your skating whilst being very smiley indeed.

HAVE FUN.

rawr

Anyway;

The two main bits of epic downhill action for me this year have come on closed roads.

I am talking about Crash and Burn the Third (and final...?) and Vandem II!

I'm reaaaaaaaly sad that Crash and Burn isn't likely to return. For those unaware, the event hill is one where the very fastest can achieve 50mph. There is one corner you have to slow down for. The challenge is simple. So is jumping over a car.

Also, it's only been skated officially closed on three occasions. We barely ever get to skate it without having many "tractor up!" occasions, often with said tractor depositing mud and water all over the hill. 

So, I rock up the evening before the first day, with a MASSIVE bag of things I might need (don't need) and many things I have forgotten but are there in spirit (who needs a pillow when you have a bumpy field to cradle your skull as you fail to sleep whilst Will Stephenson and Jack Penman make the noisiest return from the pub since The Iron Giant had that drunken fight with The Giant Mutant Magnet as it rained metal shrapnel from the sky?)

My tent is shit. More than shit. Some speculate it's a play tent. I speculate privately that I might just run into the road and have done with my life. It is that shit. I don't fit. I sleep little.

I spend most of my time whilst not skating hunched awkwardly in the doorway of it, before graduating to the chair and sci fi book combination.

Anyway in the morning I awaken soaking wet (IT HADN'T EVEN RAINED BUT WATER CAME THROUGH THE EFFING TOP) and stumble out. I'm up early and loiter in a sinister manner. When a few of us are up, I go over the road to the shop to enquire about the availability of baked goods. The lady in there seems unsure if I am human but gives a rough ETA. I return with fellow skateboarders and we dine like the genius-king-people we are (not).

We return to the campsite and begin to gather stuff for the hill. Most are rocking full leathers which is a good shout to save skin. I'm rocking a padded leather jacket with armour underneath, thick jeans and massive kneepads, which is probably marginally better for hitting stuff. It is also easier and more fun to skate in than non-custom leathers, but worse for going down the road. Compromise.

Last checks of gear done, the van turns up and we pile in the back.

Even typing now I can feel that sense of excitement. 

I can see there isn't that many people. I sign up with Norman and Liz at the desk and get a shirt. I love event shirts.

Anyway, I'm feeling kind of nervous, excited, a little scared and just want to get on the hill.

Photo by the most Oliver of Slaughter, Oliver Slaughter! This is the main corner at peep and it is damn fun.

We board the van. I can't remember if I'm sitting or standing or what.

We get to the top and there is the familiar "oh shit we're all at the top and it's the first run of the day and it's this hill" lurking that anyone who has attended one of the Crash and Burn events will smile knowingly about. I try and go late.

I push off. This is the first run, so I slide often. I'm shaking throughout, and this is our home hill!

Well, I make it to the bottom. A few more careful runs down and I'm ready to do what I only managed towards the end of my time at the freeride last time which is go all the way to the corner without braking. I manage it. Next up is railing the corner that comes after that. As I've mentioned before, it doesn't need braking for, but I didn't feel confident before to go into it. This time I do. 

After getting these two things, I'm fully into the amazing emotion I get when I'm on a hill and I'm happy. I feel energised, like talking more, just generally very, very happy.

There are many more runs. Every time the van gets to the top I've got my gear ready, and I want to skate.

Theres one time, when I'm ready to go, and I'm just waiting for the really fast dudes to go first, because that's what you do. And I'm waiting and Will on the startline suggests I go first. Pete and Zac.M wave me through and it feels so weird but before I know it I've hopped on my board and am tucking into the first corner. I can tuck the main straight at this event too. 

I'm thinking of my introduction to skating down hills, there, three years ago, when I was arriving and thought we were on the hill because the lane leading to it was steep enough for me! Or at the first crash and burn when I hear a Pete Connolly is tucking it ("from the top??") and it's just not a thing that I can comprehend doing. And I'm doing it, being given the first go down my favourite hill with a load of people I love skating with. Awesome doesn't nearly cover it.

Anyway the day is amazing. A smallish crew means many runs. I'm in every one apart from when the van went off whilst I wasn't paying attention...  Everyone has a good time and there are many smiles.

I decide that the day was so good I don't need to camp out for the forecast epic deluge of rain that is coming tomorrow. There was no skating on that second day, and some patchy riding on the third, so I got the call right this time ;)

This is a photo by Alex at http://www.newtons-shred.co.uk skate shop. He was always just able to get a shot without getting taken out. Much respect! This is the last corner, and it's another fun one.

I am going to get something to eat and return to talk about THE VANDEM FREERIDE.

I am now back from my food finding trip with a hot crossed bun and it is excellent.

VANDEM

Oh the Vandem freeride. I wasn't there for the first year's event. I was most certainly there for the second.

The Vandem freeride is held down in Exeter, by the people at Vandem (surprisingly.)

The freeride works because those who organise the event have very good relations with the people that live around the hill. It was a possibility that the location of the hill being online would mean it would be mobbed and blown, but skaters knew that firstly it was not in their interests to do this, since the event wouldn't happen, and secondly that Vandem probably have their address and postcode, along with a van that many of us assume is armed with nuclear weaponry (although having experienced it in Belgium, I didn't find any launch buttons but there was a drawer with useful kitchen utensils.)

I'm staying nearby which suits me (family holidays arranged around skate events-all manner of yes!). I get chucked out at the campsite on the morning of the first day. Harry and Mark and there who I haven't seen for ages, and we have a talk whilst other people extract themselves from their tents. Later on I see Oli and Aaron who I last saw at Crash and Burn.

The campsite is in a paintballing site within some woodland. The giant guard towers and pretend soldiers looking out from them add a surreal feeling.

Fast forward to The Talk.

"Take it easy on the first run!" says Rich. Don't be a knob is the overall message to everyone. (After some consideration everybody decides that being a knob isn't a good idea when theres lots of woodland to be buried in.)

They have posh coaches at this freeride! There's loads of people, some who I haven't skated with since Houyet however long ago, and some who I've never seen before in my life and nobody really knows.

I'm looking at one of the turns as we go to board the coaches and I'm thinking "That looks a bit tighter than in the videos". I think taking it easy is a good idea.

Anyway we get to the top and all get out. There's some standing around. I find Rob who's also rocking a Sequel. Anyway, there is a lot of hesitation with regards to the first run. Theres a lot of people,nobody really knows how fast anyone is, and many, like myself have never even seen the hill before in person.

I'm lurking fairly hard when I realise that the same Matt Elver and Robert Borek who just dropped the hill have made it all the way to the top again and are marching through the hordes of lurkers for another run. 

Right, time to go.

I get into a run and take it really chilled. It's how I like to skate, building up, not just diving in to the unknown and crashing or getting messed up. The top section is bumpy. As it get's into the bit under cover of trees the surface becomes nicer. The left hand corner near the campsite looms. I give a substantial footbrake and ease around it. Some dude who I recognise as a lush team rider blasts through the apex and it is most gnarly. I take the rest of the hill in a slow manner and shut down comfortably at the bottom.

I can tuck all of this.

So I do, more and more each run, until I'm pushing as hard as I can and just get into a tuck and just go. The lower section of the hill is something I've never really experienced before, railing a sequence of corners. It is most fun.

Anyway I'm having such a good time, and then in one run BLAM, Oli and Joe Baldwin come blasting through, and theres much smiling at the bottom of the hill about it. I've got faster, but you get reminded every now and then that the fast people haven't exactly been sitting around either! 

One run I'm greeted by Pete as he tucks by, another I get the jump on Rob as he's doing something with his gear at the top only to be passed before I get into the decent corners (I'm going to try and claim it's because he's got custom leathers and I don't). I see Mark Short, Will Edgecombe and George Vincent skating in a manner which is so weird because the control that you see when they are sliding stand up is so good you don't quite understand what you are seeing.

The day was amazing and there is another one right after. Yes.

Another shot from Newtons, this time at vandem. Notice the inability to skate not like an idiot. 

I rock up early. It was so funny wandering into the campsite. I'm there, fully geared up and ready to go, and it's like walking onto the set of a horror film. I go and sit on a tree stump and the Rich that emerges from the facilities seems a little shocked by the sudden appearance to say the least.

I'm ready to skate! 

Aaron looks like utter shit that morning but many other people also look like utter shit who don't just normally look like that.

It's as if they've all been heavily drinking but I know that can't be the case because there's skateboarding down hills to be done! ;)

Anyway, the second day is just as good as the first. So much fun is had. I remember saying to the right honourable Adam at some point about the feeling of just being so damn happy even sitting there between runs. Towards the end of the day serious determination is required to not allow ones legs to simply melt and send oneself crashing to his or her doom. 

The uplift coaches are awesome places to be. Just hearing people talk about that last run or some moment they had is great. And then you all bundle out of the van for another go. And another. 

Skate, smile, repeat.

After doubling up on epicness, that's the day and event done. Time to go home.

So;

Cheers to everybody I've shared this year of skating with. It has been the best yet and theres still so many more good times to have. The many occasions where skateboarding down hills takes place are only as good as they are because of the epic people that attend.

See you on the hill (or in a heap on the road.)

Will