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I wonder whether I am indeed too honest with how I'm feeling when I write about it here but since nobody will be reading this anyway heres some more.

I'm impatient for good things to happen and yet I don't possess the initiative and drive to make them happen. These things include getting a small job and supporting my skateboarding. If I got a job, any job, I could get to more hills and events, and I would almost certainly be happier. If I woke up tomorrow and had a job I would, surely, be fine with it and do ok. But the bit where you have to go out and make things happen is what I do not have. I've written a CV, and printed it. Thats it. Printing it took ages. Should I be happy for doing that? It's an achievement for me.

It's about setting goals but I don't really know what to set. I definately need more than college life and skateboarding.

I put things in the way to stop myself thinking. Maybe thats the skateboarding. Only a few times have I gone out and not been able to skate because of not feeling very pleased with that moment, or me. When I'm not skating, or at college, it's a lot more difficult, so I listen to music or read loads of pointless articles on the internet. I've recently started deciding to watch some things on TV rather than just looking over and seeing something on. But all of it is just stuff to put in front of my face so I don't stop and think. When I do accidently stop and think about my life in general it never results in me feeling positive.

Another day has passed where I've done barely anything useful. I havent done any work, or got a job, or created anything. I went cycling and that was quite good, but then I was home, and now I am home, and I spend far too much time here on my own, feeling like this. Going to bed loses the feeling, once I fall asleep, but it's 4pm now. Better go for a skate. I wonder if i'll regret bothering to write this.